I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we made out on top of his cat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
