im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
