I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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