Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
