ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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