And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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