ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
