can we get nightvision for the apartment?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
