i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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