Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
