Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
whose parrot is this?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
