I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
