he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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