And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
