Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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