dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
