then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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