well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
