I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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