The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
