When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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