I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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