I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
