That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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