So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
