and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
