This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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