i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
