Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
