Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
