dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
