so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
