Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
