I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
