So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
