I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
