I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
