It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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