marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
