If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
