I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
