Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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