Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
