did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
