I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
