I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
