when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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