Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
