dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
