we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
